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S.A.G.E. Extended Version
This is the extended version of The League Of Extraordinary Girls Ever!!!!! Transcript ''The Entire Program *("Larry's High Silk Hat" plays as the opening credits roll) *(Words scroll up "in the not too distant future, three billion kilowatts and lightyears from Strawberryland") *(Pan down to the Light Factory palace) *Simon Narrating: It all started when Nineveh stopped becoming the biggest, meanest city around. What a glorious feeling at the Light Factory palace. The people there are particularly nice to us. Due to a substandard performance four years ago, Jonah wanted God to destroy Nineveh, but he didn't. *Cockney Guard 1: It's those popstar blokes! *(Alvin, Simon and Theodore approach into the palace) *Simon: Wow! *Alvin: Believe it or not, in this palace; we're famous! *Theodore: Here comes the city officials to greet us! *Simon: Hello there. *City Official: We got some suckers. Send them to the astonishing contraption of burning! *(Bags are pulled off their faces. Alvin is flipped upside down, Simon and Theodore are both tied) *City Official: Their punishment - the astonishing contraption of burning! *(People laugh) *(Alvin, Simon and Theodore break the ropes and they meet Buccaneers Lunt and Larry) *Alvin: Hey, Buccaneers Lunt and Larry. *Buccaneer Larry: How's it going? *Buccaneer Lunt: Hey, what's up? *Simon: What are you doing here? *Theodore: Remember that time when you were cheese curl celebrities of all Nineveh? *Alvin: Umm.... no. *Buccaneer Larry: Well, we've got the perfect manual for a machine. *(A few people, including Kyle, hop in) *Kyle: What's all the commotion? *Buccaneer Lunt: We've rented the DVD instruction manual from the library before. *Person 1: I have plenty of lumber on my boat. I should at least pinch in. *Person 2: I got some tools on my boat. I could work overtime. *Kyle: I based this off of a poster for Dagget and Ramsdell toiletries. *Person 3: I have an extra blueprint of the poster! *Person 4: Me too! *Sheep: (baas) *Buccaneer Larry: (Whispering to Alvin) He said "Me three". *Person 5: I saved up some allowance. *Person 6: Me too! *Person 7: Me three! *Person 8: I love to help! *(The people build the machine. Buccaneer Lunt holds blueprints of the machine) *Buccaneer Larry: Looks cool. *Kyle: The walls are up, *Person 1: The contraption is almost finished. *Person 2: And someone showed up with a lever to place onto. *Buccaneer Larry: Aww, thanks. *TV Reporter: How many lives have you lived? *Buccaneer Larry: Billions and billions! *TV Reporter: What does this machine do? *Buccaneer Larry: Simple. When there are prettier girls or fancier boys around, Lunt and I will make them! *(Strawberry watches from a safe distance. She shines her glasses, and texts a person) *Buccaneer Lunt: We're Vikings! *Buccaneer Larry: What do you know, the terrors of the sea. *Buccaneer Lunt: We're Vikings! *Jonah: (Grumpy) Wherever we go, pillaging happily. *Buccaneer Lunt: We're Vikings! *Kyle: Let there be no animosity 'cuz... *Buccaneer Lunt: Who wouldn't like a pile of cake rouge? *Person 1: Some shiny jewels and a finishing lotion! *Person 2: And a giant eyebrow pencil to boot! *Buccaneer Lunt: A Viking's life for me. Yo-ho! *Buccaneer Larry: That's the life for me. *("I Won't Go to Beans!" plays) *(They take the machine out of the palace.) *(Meanwhile...) *Simon N.: The next day, we arrived at Ninaborough. *Construction Worker: Looks like someone showed up with a couch. *Alvin: Really? (Lies down) *(Buccaneer Larry carries in Strawberry) *(A baseball flies past Alvin and out of the stadium.) *Simon: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your timeless angerness. *Police Chief: Who is that guy? *Sheriff: She was handing out berries yesterday. *Police Chief: That sounds fishy. Think ya took 'em. *Sheriff: I'm gonna throw up on some Skittles. *Police Chief: We gotta keep our eyes on her. *(A few people stay behind after some leave) *(Strawberry puts up some boards) *Strawberry: I never said that someone blew up and the city official was mad. *Police Chief: All cruise guests don't like to think of their friends are mad. *(Sheriff throws up on some Skittles) *(Strawberry shows a board showing Buccaneer Lunt's ageline) *Molly: "How old is Buccaneer Lunt?" *Strawberry: Why don't we come back to that? *Milli: Sounds pretty good. *Gil: "How smart does Captain Pa think he is?" *Police Chief: That's smart of him to think about how smart he is. *Geo: Who's Captain Pa? *Molly: Move along. *Gil: Nothing to see here. *Geo: "How much does Buccaneer Larry look?" *Gil: He looks so charming. *(Strawberry texts Buccaneer Larry) *Sheriff: I used to have a cellphone like that. It's the same one Strawberry used. My brother downloaded too many apps and sent too many mean text messages so I killed him and took that cellphone to the dump. *Milli: Really? *Molly: I'm gonna go kiss him someday! That will be efficient. *Hipster Carrot: I dig efficiency. Watchin' my carbon hoofprint. (Drinks coffee) *(Hipster Carrot's body parts fall off and he dies) *(People lay on top of him) *Police Chief: If that is settled, (cut to him on an iceberg) I'd rather sit on an iceberg. *Milli: Aww... Buccaneer Lunt looks cute as a baby. *("You Girls are all brave thieves and bandits and naives and destroyers and robbers!" plays) *Townspeople: Kind Norrius, Kind Norrius, her exploits ever glorious! Oh, Norrius; Kind Norrius, returns again victorious! She bests the people with her might. Her strength cannot be matched. She brought victory upon this day and claimed the biggest laugh. KIND NORRIUS. *Townsperson 1: She's the big bad wolf afraid of. *Townspeople: Kind Norrius! She... lifts us all for the world to see. She dreams of clever pranks and pulls 'em brilliantly. *Townsperson 2: She passes by here on her way to school and church. *Townsperson 3: She is such a jewel around here. *Townsperson 4: Of course, I've seen her. *Captain Pa: I am the rightful captain of anything. *Alvin: Have no fear. *Simon: If there's a sign of them around... *Theodore: We'll bring 'em in. *Captain Pa: I'm goin' back to Bathroom Town tomorrow. *Buccaneer Larry: Okay, sir. Hire some robot-versions of the Chipettes. *Painter Carrot: That'll take all day! *Buccaneer Larry: Then go pack a lunch. I'm giving you this lunchbox. Here's your machinery. I'm giving you the can. *Simon Narrating: Huckleberry Pie, a friend of Gil's, rode on a buffalo, trying to find something to do. When he helped two people at a reception carry jugs of water to thirsty people at the reception, he accidentally slipped on a banana peel and spilled the water all over the floor. While a man hurried to get a wet mop, a townsperson asked him to work someplace else. Another man eventually put a wet floor sign on the floor. *Townsperson 5: Would ya like to work someplace else? *Simon Narrating: Then, Huck, helped two boys with a souvenir shack. However, it started out wonderfully, until he took a quick bathroom break in an outhouse while the two boys were eating lunch. A line of angry people showed up when Huck returned to his post. The first boy hastily took care of the angry customers by manning the cashier. The other boy asked Huck that they can handle the rest and to work someplace else. *Townsperson 6: Can we handle the rest and you please work someplace else? *Simon Narrating: Just then, Huck, helped three boys out some kids as their parents played casino games. Then two of the kids got into a fight over a game of poker. For some reason, it was worse. Huck tried to break up the fight and got hit with some of the chips. After the first boy seperated them, and the second boy resolved the argument, Huck laid on the ground, covered with chips. The third boy unburied him and threw him out of the casino. *Geo: I don't want you to be attacked by those chips. *Simon Narrating: Then Huck, who stood near the mayor's office, saw four men unloading boxes from a cargo ship. He decided to help them out. But then, he stacked a big pyramid of sheep instead. The sheep toppled over and buried him. *Gil: Man, he's havin' a bad day. *Huckleberry: I think I'm gonna head south of Ninaborough. Carry on. *Simon Narrating: Now, Huck sat on a bench, near the cruise ticket booth with an oversized hat on his head and holding a bright light. In those four attempts, they rewarded him with pink slips. *Huckleberry: I can't do anything like that right. I'm getting outta here. *(Huck and Zippy get on a cargo ship and sail away) *Lady: Ooh-la-la! I live here now. *Simon Narrating: They knew that girl lied. The Marigolds' name meant business. *(Pirates climb onto balcony) *Buccaneer Lunt: Ahoy! *Martin: Pirates? In my office? You're getting me fired. *("Dudes, He Ate My Cake" plays) *Buccaneer Larry: What was I saying? *Strawberry: Hey guys. What's up? *Buccaneer Lunt: I don't want to die becoming a slave. *Captain Pa: Me neither. *Buccaneer Larry: I don't want to become a slave, too. *Buccaneer Lunt: I eat silliness history for breakfast. *Simon Narrating: Now Strawberry stood near a bench. Mr. Lunt and Larry sat in their recliners. *Strawberry: Ready, fellas? *Buccaneers Larry and Lunt: Ready whenever you are, Strawberry, sir. *Strawberry: Eye patches? *Buccaneer Larry: Check. *Strawberry: Bandanas? *Buccaneer Lunt: Check. *Strawberry: Cutlasses? *Buccaneer Larry: Check. *Strawberry: Super pirate cries? (Buccaneers Larry and Lunt groan in disgust) C'mon, ya guys. ''You are pirates. *Simon Narrating: Larry and Mr. Lunt complained about what Strawberry said. *Buccaneer Lunt: But we're tired of becoming lazy pirates over those years! *Buccaneer Larry: Yeah, shouldn't we be someone else? *Buccaneer Lunt: What about yodelers? (Eerie yodeling music plays) *(Buccaneer Larry yodels too loud. People cover their ears. A person climbs up a mountain. When the person climbs up to the top of the mountain, an avalanche starts.) *Simon Narrating: The yodeling was heard everywhere - even all the way up to the top of Mt. Everest - the highest best-known mountain in the world. *Strawberry: You two take this too seriously. *Buccaneer Larry: What about major rockstars? *Buccaneer Lunt: Or shepherds? (Shepherd music faintly plays) *Strawberry: No, no, no. You are not shepherds. You are pirates. Have ya forgotten a pirate pledge? *Buccaneers Larry and Lunt: No... *Strawberry: Well, let's hear it. *(Liberty music plays) *Buccaneer Larry: I pledge democracy, to the flag of the Jolly Roger, and to the fighting for which it stands, one nation; under tomato juice (Pirate Impostor 1 faints), invisible, with pillaging and plundering for all. *Buccaneer Lunt: Well, I'm convinced, Larry, that's pretty much the stupidest thing I've ever heard. *Strawberry: Larry, Mr. Lunt. That's not how that pirate pledge I told you to not forget. *Buccaneer Larry: But working on summer vacation, it's criminal! *Strawberry: I know that. You two are lazy. Think up another pledge. *Buccaneer Lunt: It's work! *Buccaneer Larry: They need to fire Dave Seville and hire Chog Norrius. You know how much Dave Seville's songs cost. *Strawberry: More than I love in a year. *Buccaneer Larry: This is why I'm recommending to Mrs. Bruckheimer and Mayor Jimmy to give you at least fifteen bags of kindness and strength for no money. When Mrs. Bruckheimer was your age, she went gambling with the mayor, the warden, the asylum owner, the turnips, the Chipettes, Pa, Mr. Lunt and I every weekend. They even gambled on weekdays and Sundays. *Buccaneer Lunt: Me too. A pirate is mean, a pirate robs at sea, a pirate's head is always dirty, as a pirate we pledge to spread pillaging anywhere. *Strawberry: Nice. Now can I go home and take a shower, eat a lighter meal and then head to bed? *Buccaneer Lunt: No way. You can't do that. You've gotta let those people go. *Buccaneer Larry: Trust me. The news cable reporter says that this is happening. *TV Reporter: This just in: A zucchini who went by the name of Martin Marigold has broke out of jail and is planning to make the people all slaves. What can that do? When will this crime wave end? Can anyone defeat the evil? *Strawberry: I can give it a shot. *TV Reporter: Good choice, then. *Ginger Snap: We're like cool adventurers, like the kind that sail the seas. *Angel Cake: And the kind that defeat giants. *Orange Blossom: And the kind that search for ancient relics. *Strawberry: (hops up to the mayor's office) What's his deal? *Radio Guy: Welcome back to WMID, music for the attacking hordes. *Person: Yes, hello. I'd like to request Sampson's "Bringing Down the House". *Buccaneer Larry: Do you recognize this place? *Strawberry: Of course I do. This is the office the mayor's daughter adopted me. (Swings open the door) I remember that day, I was so poor, I couldn't afford to see what was coming into me. *Buccaneer Larry: Look! *Mayor Jimmy: Well, if Dave Seville knew how his life felt, he wouldn't care about his three boys. *Strawberry: He wouldn't? *Mayor's Daughter: He sure loved that place. He paid for all those statues they built of that Rhubarbarian. *Mayor Jimmy: He commissioned this place before his death. *Townsperson 1: He sure woulda want everyone to see it. I shoulda talked with him more. *Mayor's Daughter: I'd like to take that lumpy pickle and teach him a thing or two. *Townsperson 1: I'd weave his basket of peonies into a kettle of beans on toast! *Buccaneers Larry and Lunt: I'm sorry, we gotta have... *Mayor Jimmy: Yes? *(Stawberry whispers to Buccaneer Larry) *(Buccaneer Larry whispers to Buccaneer Lunt) *Mayor Jimmy: Wait a minute, you're two of those lazy pirates! *Buccaneers Larry and Lunt: Yes, indeed. *Mayor Jimmy: Isn't that boring? *Buccaneer Larry: Beats our laziness. *Buccaneer Lunt: Indeed, Jimmy. *Mayor Jimmy: Who is that kind woman my daughter adopted? Did she come with you two or did she come alone? *Buccaneer Larry: She is, Streben... Strebeanie? *Buccaneer Lunt: Strawberry Shortcake. *Buccaneer Larry: Strawberry Shortcake. *Mayor Jimmy: Ya know how to talk, young lass? *Buccaneer Larry: She's a bit shy. *Buccaneer Lunt: She prefers to let us speak for him. *Mayor Jimmy: Well?! *Buccaneers Larry and Lunt: Well, what? *Mayor Jimmy: You forgot to buy a new backbone with your new pair of glasses, miss? *Professor Hamlin: Yeah, well; we'll just see what the mayor has to say about you, Molly. *Mayor Jimmy: Yes? *Professor Hamlin: A friend of hers does lots of failed attempts. *Molly: I know it was true. *Professor Hamlin: He slipped on a banana peel while carrying water. He went to the bathroom while running a shack. He tried to break up a fight over a game of video poker. He stacked sheep instead of boxes. *Molly: That's silly of him! *Professor Hamlin: Jimmy, you run this place like a sleepy old bear. *(Later that evening...) *(Strawberry locks her door) *Townsperson 1: Strawberry, could I afford you into some cute little robo-cowboy cops? *Strawberry: Wait a sec... is that a robot and a cowboy? *Townsperson 1: And a cop. It's from the new movie. I could also afford you into his robo-horse-mobile. *Townsperson 2: What about this here bag of money? *Simon Narrating: Things got tense. The stand-off distance stretched on as Strawberry sat with Larry and Mr. Lunt. Several people pulled up couches to watch. Firefighters came. Television crews arrived. *TV Reporter: Attention, attention. This just in: Martin has hired pirates. This is the TV reporter, signing off. See you then tomorrow. Aloha! *Sarah: Well, what did Strawberry do because of this? *Simon Narrating: Well, never before; she gotten a message that she really wanted to deliver. She didn't know what to do. *(A factory is destroyed) *Strawberry: I guess that coulda been worse. That factory is destroyed. I need to find out more. *(She scurries up the balcony of Mr. Marigold's palace) *Simon Narrating: Strawberry looked through some coin-operated binoculars and saw all her friends. They were all clowning around. The pumpkin-headed children, the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything, even the Chipettes. *Strawberry: Gotcha! Time to do my duties. Sorry, people; I'm gonna commandeer this village in the name of greed! *(Strawberry runs into a cruise sign which read "See the World - Friends and Family Cruise") *Ticket Man: Ticket please, ma'am. There's nothing like a cruise to clean the sand outta wicket, eh? *Strawberry: I'm goin' to Tarship. *Ticket Man: Ha-ha! It's the other end of the world. *Strawberry: Awesome. *Ticket Man: If ya had all the money, no one around here will sail all the way to Tarship. Not even those girls over there. *(Mysterious music plays as a silhouette of an elegant pirate ship sails into view) *(Transition to people jumping on board with Alvin, Simon and Theodore as the boat leaves) *Simon Narrating: Even though they never sailed before, they took it like a fish to water. *Strawberry: It's gonna be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on! *Ginger Snap: Money is no object. *Person 1: The Pirates gotta get some money. *League: (except Strawberry) What do they need money for? *Person 2: Operations. *Simon: Cool. *Mr. Malab: League, ya better waltz to my quarters and discuss this over cakes, fruits, cookies, cheesecurls, pizza, and rootbeer. And take those people with you. *Ginger Snap: But, captain... *Mr. Malab: No buts about it. *Simon: Tell them the truth. *Ginger Snap: Speak to the fire god. *Alvin: Wait, if those grapes in the hold were evil, wouldn't they already know? So that meant... they're the Peaoni Brothers - the most wanted peas in Persia. *Simon Narrating: So I went to talk with the fire god in the captain's quarters. I should convince him to bring the light of our world back at the time. Once we were finally out to sea, Strawberry went below deck to rest a bit. *Buccaneer Lunt: I have a weird feeling that she isn't done wrecking our boat in a huge rainstorm. I'm figuratively speaking, of course. *Buccaneer Larry: Me too. *Painter Carrot: What? *Woman on Voice: The police man is behind the billboard. *Painter Carrot: Oh, that loser again? *(Policeman holds a box. He opens it and three pirates stand in.) *Pirate Impostor 1: This doesn't look good. *Pirate Impostor 2: I think I'm gonna be sick! *Pirate Impostor 3: My heart will explode! *Police Chief: Come on, you guys. (Sings first lines of Pirates who don't do anything song) *Painter Carrot: It's kinda weird though that a man would say he wants to stay home and lie around. I have dinner to go to. *Simon Narrating: It was too late. Buccaneer Larry caught the painter carrot and the impostors. *Buccaneer Larry: You're coming with me. *Police Chief: (spits out coffee) What'cha doing!?! You're ruining the billboard, Miss Shortcake!!!! No!!!!! Oh, Lord; why did you let this happen!?! Get your filthy hands off of that carrot, that tomato, that gourd and that asparagus, Miss Shortcake!!!! *Simon Narrating: Buccaneer Larry threw them into the slammer. *Pirate Impostor 1: Like Pa, Larry and Mr. Lunt, we're not cool pirates. *Pirate Impostor 2: Like the kind that rob and pillage. *Pirate Impostor 3: And swordfight people, swab the poopdeck, and search for buried treasure. *Simon Narrating: I wonder what (Cut to ship hold) Strawberry is up to... *(Strawberry throws down a bag and sits down on a bench) *Simon Narrating: That was a very silly surprise. The bag just talked. She threw the bag onto a barrel, and out came... peas!?! *Guy with Black Hat: Allow us to introduce ourselves. I am Jude, the smartest one. *Karen: I am Karen, the awesomst one. *Reuben: And I am Reuben, the chubbiest. *Strawberry: Nice to meet ya. Now, where is this ship going? *Jude: Tarship. *Karen: One time, our uncles were tortured by the city official. *Reuben: That's surprising. *Karen: i know that. *(Strawberry groans) *Karen: What's wrong there? *Jude: There is a man in that palace. A beautiful young leek? He is waiting there for you. *Karen: Would that be either Alvin, Simon or Theodore? *Reuben: No, it had something to do with his body shaped like a dog. *Jude: You were promised to be married, but your life is now in the way. *Karen: The man's mother is the head of an international league of bandits. *Jude: So, this day, you sail there and break the back of them which will break the heart of that guy. *Reuben: Let's go help the League find someplace on this boat to sleep for the night. *Strawberry: And can you get me a glass of strawberry juice while you're at it? *(White limbo. Strawberry walks across. Everything is mysterious.) *Strawberry: Yes. Which way is Tarship. *Ticket Man: (Croaking) Right this way. You can't miss it. *Strawberry: Thanks. *(Dream ends) *Ginger Snap: C'mon wake up! We're in a storm like I've never seen before. If we don't do something quick, we're gonna sink! *Mr. Malab: (scoffs) Didn't I at least tell you to get off my ship, you lousy leaf-eaters! *Karen: Yes, but you see; we're gonna break the back of those bandits. I love crimefighting. *Mr. Malab: If it ain't for this, I'll make you walk the plank! We're gonna be fish food if I don't get help. *Jude: How do you feel about an indoor pool? *Ginger Snap: Somebody up there must be really upset with somebody down here. *(The ship rocks violently) *Martin: Excuse me, I have an announcement. People of Ninaborough, become very afraid. Unless you be my slaves, I will terrorize Ninaborough. As my slaves, do certain things for me. *Rainbow Sherbert: Like what? *Martin: Get rid of all real, rubber, mechanical, and/or plush flowers, sheep, cattle and chickens. Any pictures of them, too. Throw away all your baseball outfits and play baseball in your regular clothes. Stack pyramids of sheep all day. Every morning, sing the "I Want to Die Becoming a Slave" blues. Flush your office supplies down the toilet. Throw your shoes out the window. Put your homework on fire. Give your food to the cats. Tell the dogs that they're bad. Throw eggs at an old man's house. Tear down all the monuments of Strawberry and build statues of me. Work on cliffs. Cut the tops of flowers and throw them in the garbage. Pick up all the cheese on the pizza and burgers and throw it away. Put lemons on an old person's eyeballs. Sweep the dirt off all the stairs. Skateboard down the aisles of a supermarket. Write a book about racoons. Make a boat out of a race car and it will sink and everyone on board will die. Every night, stand by the cruise ticket booth wearing oversized ten-gallon hats over your eyes while holding bright lights. Anyone who disobeys these rules will receive a visit from Mayor Jimmy and me and then be cast into the belly of a whale! Now, be scared! Hahahahahahahaha! *Angel Cake: Oh, dear. *Orange Blossom: This doesn't look good. *Blueberry Muffin: I'm gonna throw up! *Alvin: I don't like the sound of that. I wouldn't do this to my cap. *Simon: What? Throwing shoes out the window? We don't have feet! *Theodore: How are you supposed to eat cheese-less pizza? *Mr. Malab: Someone up there is real upset with someone down here. It ain't gonna let up 'till we know who that someone is. It could be any one of us. Cast lots! If it falls on you, you take a swim! *(Lightning flashes. Everyone startles. We montage through the intense element of casting lots as the storm continues to rage. We dissolve between different lots depicting to fall on someone. We see character's faces as the casting progresses - if they're holding some lots, they're nervous, if not, they're relaxed. The casting shifts and Judah is on the loosing end. We cut to a wide shot of the pirate ship and see it being tossed around by the waves. We hear reverby "cast lots" and various "aarghs" and "oh boys" throughout.) *Simon Narrating: So we casted lots and it fell on the captain. *Mr. Malab: So she got on here. I'm afraid the only thing left is to be thrown into the sea. *Strawberry: Goodnight, sir. Nice knowing ya. *Alvin: You've been mostly titled for a refund. *Karen: Underneath the circumstances, you know, with you dying and all. *Ginger Snap: Not so fast. I suggest we use a Jupiter 1600 horsepower, high octave, dual-propeller pull-ignition boat motor with the optional chrome trim package. It can get you back to where you were. *Karen: I'll explain how this works. It appears that one just pushes the black bubbly thing and pulls the cord. *Alvin: That would be dangerous. (Everyone turns toward him angrily) Simon, Theodore and I will be watching from a safe distance. *(Just then, the propellers catch the surface of the deck of the ship. Wood chips fly as the spinning blades propel the engine all the way across the decks - ripping a trail in the planks. Cut to shots of the propeller chasing characters through screen. They gulp as the motor follows. It then crashes through the ground rail on the bow of the ship and drops in the sea.) *Simon: That's the final time we're ever gonna get a boat motor. *Simon Narrating: The storm grew higher. We cried out to God as Mr. Malab was pushed into the ocean and the seas were calm again. (A group faint) We tried to pull him back on board. A shark then swallowed him whole. (The group cry) The terrifying ablaze of Strawberry facing the chicken of the sea hits a dead end sooner or later. Meanwhile, with Strawberry gone, things back in Ninaborough were falling apart like a wet taco. *Gil: Hang on. You want to ride on a reindeer. *Kid 1: On Randalf! *Gil: You want to ride on Randalf. How do you spell that? *Molly: I don't know. *Kid 1: Seriously?! *Gil: A silver rabbit? *Kid 1: Siver robot! *Gil: I can't even read my own writing. *Simon Narrating: Meanwhile, while Chog and Captain Pa were setting up the recording studio, Larry and Mr. Lunt stumbled upon a peculiar item of interest. *Person on Computer: Plug in a laser machine and watch the lasers go! *Buccaneer Larry: Mr. Lunt, if this doesn't go over the top, nothing will! *Chog: Ready, fellas? *Pirates: OK, sir. *Chog: One, two, three, one, two, three... *Pirates: We are the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything. We just stay home... *Chog: Hold it, Buccaneer Larry. You're a little flat. Let's try again. *Pirates: ...And lie around. And if you ask us to do anything... *Chog: Hold it, Buccaneer Larry. *Buccaneer Larry: (sadly) We'll just tell you... (Smiles a bit unconsciously) *("What's Up with Strawberry?" plays) *Simon Narrating: Yes, no one could figure out what they were up to. Along with a few people, Mr. Lunt and Larry followed Strawberry all the way to the light factory palace. *Gil: (Squints at scroll) I'm confused with the list. What is a Back-Babylonian Pickle? *Kid 1: Bad-Balonga pencil. *Mayor Jimmy: We need to keep an eye on them. *Buccaneer Larry: He's right. *Captain Pa: Sail to the Light Factory palace and call the calvary. *Buccaneer Lunt: Aye, aye... Captain Crunch! *(Captain Pa growls) *(Buccaneer Larry snickers as he and Lunt head to the cruise ticket booth) *Captain Pa: Call me that one more time, and I will make you work for your great uncle Ian!!!!! *Kid 2: What? They're the Pirates Who Don't Anything! *Buccaneer Larry: 'Cuz since we've done all the things the Marigolds suggested, I think now would at least be a good time to get the money for those operations. *Kid 3: Why should we help three pirates get operations? We've got better work to do around here! *Molly: I know what you mean. *(Cut to belly of shark) *Simon Narrating: The captain pouted. Then angels came and comforted him. *(Cut back to boat. Karen, Reuben and Jude were complaining around a fire.) *Karen: I can't believe why Hamlin's car-wagon thing was installed to a spark plug yesterday. *Jude: Mais oui! *Reuben: That was humiliating! *Karen: What are you talking about?! *Jude: What do spark plugs and gangsters gotta do with...hey, you don't mess with another man's spark plug! *Reuben: Then go lick one, then! *Karen: GO BACK TO YOU OWN KINGDOM, RHUBARBARIANS!!!!!! *Townsperson 1: Hey, Blackberry the Pirate Ship Wrecker, you dead yet? Or are you gonna wait until you free those people? (Goat maa's) *(A montage of silly attempts of going to the light factory palace shows up) *Simon Narrating: Then we all knew something strange happening. The captain died inside the shark. *Strawberry: (Pulls out book "The Trueness of a Good Leader") "Now, captain, it's perfectly normal that you might stand in breezing occurence. I'm tryna make ya comfortable. I will allow you in the signs of my splendor - such as, answers to unusual questions, major miracles appearing or disappearing against your will." *Alvin: Nice. "The Trueness of a Good Leader." Let me check your records once you give me that. *Simon Narrating: Strawberry dramatically tells everyone about the truth of the Marigolds. We arrived at the palace. *Cockney Guard: Who goes there? *Simon: I am Simon. *Cockney Guard: You're not from here! *Alvin: We're from... *Cockney Guards: You're strangers! *(They arrive in the palace) *Alvin: Welcome back. *City Official: Arrest them...again! *Alvin: Oh no. Not again. *City Official: Oh... is it? *(City Official pulls out knife and slits the bottom of Alvin's pack) *Alvin: I thought they were free samples! *(WHACK!) *(Bags were pulled off their faces. Angel Cake is flipped upside down, Ginger and Orange were both tied to the back of a sheep, and Strawberry had the ropes cut) *(The league gasps, except Strawberry) *Angel Cake: I didn't know to say this, but this is crazy. *Simon: I'll say. *City Official: Their punishment... THE ASTONISHING CONTRAPTION OF PANTS-BURNING!!!! *(People laugh) *Simon Narrating: I do not like the sound of this. They demonstrated the contraption. Which you see is a giant lightbulb shooting a laser and turns you into paste. The league, except Strawberry cried. *City Official: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... KING TWISTOMER!!!!!!!! *(Crickets chirp) *Alvin: Where is he? *Theodore: He's on vacation! *Simon: But look. Sorry for the inconveniece but King Twistomer can't make it tonight. Your substitute for him will be Queenie-Pooh. *Simon Narrating: Panic rose fast. (A silhoutte of a gang appeared from the seas) *People in Palace: It's Mayor Jimmy and The Marigolds! *Alvin: I don't like the sound of that. *Simon: I don't really seem to fit in since our arrival here last night. *Strawberry: (chuckles) The people of Ninaborough are scared into extreme silliness. *Simon Narrating: The League saw the people do everything the Marigolds told them to do. They frantically built boats out of race cars, skateboarded down the supermarket aisles, stacking pyramids of sheep, singing the blues, threw their shoes out the window, built statues of them, worked on cliffsides, danced like mad fools, wrote books about racoons, threw eggs at old people's houses, set their homework on fire, gave their foods to their pet cats, told their pet dogs that they're bad, put lemons on old people's eyeballs, swept all the dirt off of every staircase, cut the tops of flowers and threw them in the trash, took the cheese off of everything and threw it away, stood near the "See the World Friends and Family cruise" ticket booth wearing oversized hats and holding bright lights, they tore pictures of flowers, sheep, cattle and chickens out, people throwing away baseball outfits, and flushing staplers and other office supplies down the toilet. Anyone who disobeyed was paid a visit by Mayor Jimmy and the Marigolds and thrown into the belly of a whale. *Alvin: This must be stopped. *Townsperson: You never told me you were a pirate. *Alvin: Well, I'm not robbing from anyone. *Townsperson: You shoulda been in bed by now! *Alvin: I'm gonna send your butt back onboard the pirate ship and maybe you can go to bed! *Townsperson: Boo! You stink! *Alvin: I... How dare you!?! *Townsperson: You can't do this to me! I'm going to kill you! *Alvin: Sorry. Too late. Goodnight. *Simon: (Points his sword to the city official) That's it. You're walkin' the plank! *Theodore: He's forcing that city official to walk the plank. *Simon: Judah, you better hire someone else to be a city official. *Theodore, Alvin, Reuben, Karen and Jude: Attack! *Simon Narrating: The others pounced on me, so I attacked the city official. He, Theodore, Karen, Reuben, Jude, Alvin and a few people piled on and on like we were sumo wrestling him in a dohyo. *(Cut to Strawberry looking nervous. She hops away from the contraption.) *Karen: Get another guy to run this palace. *Simon Narrating: Karen yelled. Jude insisted... *Jude: Mr. Official, you're fired. *Reuben: You know nothing! *Simon Narrating: Reuben screeched. Then Larry, Mr. Lunt, Jonah and Kyle sat on a cliff. This was the same cliff Jonah sat on when he was waiting for God to destroy Nineveh. *Kyle: I shoulda listened to Jimmy. *Buccaneer Lunt: I know it was true! *Jonah: Charge in the palace! YOU'RE MAKING ME LOOK BAD! *(A soldier takes Jonah to battle) *Soldier: Come on, Mac-Jonah. *Jonah: YOU'RE USELESS, PATHETIC, AND ANNOYING!!!!!!!! *Buccaneer Larry: I knew that'd get her. *Simon Narrating: They heard the cries of me, the outraged cowboys, and the mischevious popstars. *Karen: I'll see how much wondering there is when everything is thrown away from you. *Simon: Arrrrrrrrrrgh! *City Official: Why is there a grape with a black cowboy hat and a few of his brothers and his girlfriend in here wanting to pee in my bed?!? *Alvin: Ya never said it was true!!!!!!!! *Karen: I'm gonna kill you, mister. *Simon: I can never tell when you're looking! *Theodore: You should talk! *Strawberry: I gotta go. (in her thoughts) I must show the great Uncle Ian the error of his ways. But how? *(She leaves the palace. The gates were locked.) *People: But, but... *Simon: (Points his sword to them) NO BUTS ABOUT IT! Go rent a Viking ship, or you're dead!!!!!!!!! *(Silhouettes of Larry, Mr. Lunt, and a few people show up) *Simon Narrating: Larry, Mr. Lunt, Kyle, Molly, Geo, Milli, and Gil banged on the gates with crowbars. Molly, Gil, Geo and Milli set up tents. Kyle was munching on a leg of ham while sipping a 72 oz. Slurpee. It was still two-thirty in the morning when they hopped on dog sleds. Despite Strawberry leaving, she never knew why we were so caught up in forcing the city official to leave. Luckily, for Larry, he hired some professionals. While Mr. Lunt fired the city official, Geo sat inside his tent, ready to get a nap. He almost got a glass of water until Judah went into his tent. Reuben, Karen, Simeon and Zeb followed. *Jude: You never told me you had to give the city official a taste of your super shape power to make him fired. *Geo: It was a bit stale so... *Reuben: I DON'T CARE! *Karen: He ate his own dust, anyway. *Theodore: I was hoping that could turn up. *Turnip: What did you just call me? A turnip!?!? *Reuben: I can't move my arm! *Alvin: I coulda called Captain Pa and see if he'll turn up. *Turnip: Grrrrrrr.... stop calling me a "turn up!" *Alvin: Yipes! *(Phone rings) *Kyle: I'll get it. Oh, hey, Mr. Jonah. It's not too late to talk business. I'm saying that you were asked to go to this city of Nineveh and tell the people here to stop slapping people with fishes but you got on a pirate ship and swallowed by a whale, and you were spit out and when you got the message, God wanted to destroy Nineveh, but he didn't! Oh, that's a hoot. *(Jonah lies on ground with R.I.P. sign) *Kyle: Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! What!? Are you crazy?! You're one of God's prophets! And now you're....dead!?!?!? *Angels: Forever alone... *Kyle: I'll see ya on the flip side. I gotta stop Uncle Ian. Who will be me? *Gil: You can count on me. *Buccaneer Lunt: I'm in. *Buccaneer Larry: Someone's gotta take Jonah's coffin to the Day of the Dead ceremony. *Kyle: I can give it a shot. *Buccaneer Lunt: Use your cellphone for help, Gilly. Mrs. Bruckheimer, the Navy, even Dave Seville! Buccaneer Larry, come with me. *Molly: Oh, Jonah, we all came to see we're sure you were dead. *Simon Narrating: Now Strawberry sat on the same cliff Jonah sat on to watch God destroy Nineveh. God showed compassion and mercy on her and again, grew a huge vine above her, yet this time, it didn't wither. She prayed to God. *Captain Pa: Maybe I was a little hard on my daughter, Strawberry. I think I'll tell her that I... *Strawberry: Answer me. C'mon, light the palace up with fire. Please, just a spark. *Captain Pa: (Groans) I give up... *Queen: Proceed. *City Official: These are the prepetrators of the heinous act against those popstars. *Alvin: Do you have those guilty parties a chance to let someone speak in their own defense? *Queen: You may speak. *(Strawberry hops back in) *Alvin: I, Simon and Theodore are celebrities here. *Queen: (frowns) Slap them! *Alvin: You don't understand. Strawberry is a kind Rhubarbarian. You shoulda told her about her kindness. *Buccaneer Lunt: We've pulled out all those stops and used every single trick. *Buccaneer Larry: Well, the warden, the mayor, the asylum owner, and a few people, including Mrs. Bruckheimer tried attempts to coax my girlfriend out of jail. But after each attempt, nothing happened. *Captain Pa: Not by the fact this palace is as clean as a Christmas turkey. *Buccaneer Larry: You're right, Captain. What is a Christmas turkey, anyway? *Buccaneer Lunt: (whispering to an old lady) Google Image one. *Buccaneer Larry: I dunno, I was hoping that those people that tried breaking Strawberry out of prison would turn up. *Buccaneer Lunt: First, Strawberry pranked us into oblivion, then she tried to repay the incident to us, and now our lives of being cheese curl celebrities have gone up in smoke. I told you she wasn't done wrecking our boat in a huge rainstorm. *Simon Narrating: Ginger Snap then called the cops. *(Police arrive) *Police Chief: Freeze! *Strawberry: Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming. The police has arrived and Alvin, Simon, Theodore and I will strike letting the people of Ninaborough go free. *Queen: We must hear the message. *Strawberry: There's someone plotting me and against my friends. *Alvin: Who would dare do that? *Strawberry: It's Martin Marigold. *(Strawberry attacks the policemen like a ninja.) *Simon Narrating: Suddenly more police came. Television crews arrived as well. Several people pulled up couches to watch. Mr. Lunt shot some lasers. Huck seemed to pass by. The lasers ricocheted off his vest. At that very moment, the laser machine sputtered and then smoke poured out of the laser machine. Many people carried pets and babies under their arms. Some inhaled too many smoke and died. Others coughed, like normally when smoke happens. Huck polished the burn mark on his vest. *Ginger Snap: Don't want (cough) to ride (cough) the merry-go-round (cough) anymore... *Simon Narrating: Just then, multi-colored smoke came out of a furnace as well. Now Larry and Mr. Lunt had second thoughts about Strawberry wrecking the pirate ship in a big rainstorm. Pretty soon, the palace was destroyed. Everyone in the palace made it all out alive. Well, almost everyone. Some dashed into the ocean. Others jumped in their boats and sailed away. *(People laugh at the rubble, which fell on Huck) *Strawberry: Can someone rebuild this? The smoke destroyed the rubble. *Huckleberry: Aww, man! The palace collapsed on me. My eye is twitching. *Buccaneer Lunt: (whispering to two people) Go unbury him and put his pants back on. *Person 1: I still have plenty of lumber on my boat. I should at least pinch in. *Strawberry: That's great. *Person 2: I still got some tools on my boat. I could work overtime. *Sheep: (baas) *Person 3: I still saved up some allowance. *Person 4: Me too! *Buccaneer Lunt: DJ, it's time for the test. *Simon Narrating: As the people turned on their radios that morning, they heard Alvin, Theodore and me singing "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything". *(Groans in disgust) *Chog: (groans) Please wake up and turn off the alarm, will ya? *Strawberry: I am Strawberry Shortcake, and I combat the queen to let the people go. The winner shall keep her life as a queen, the loser shall leave town forever! *Buccaneer Lunt: Turn up the volume louder, DJ! *Turnip: That's it, I'm locking my door. *(DJ turns up volume louder that people cover their ears) *Chog: I knew I shoulda warned my son. *Simon Narrating: Angel Cake, Orange Blossom and Ginger Snap also helped on a crane, a bulldozer and a forklift. Huckleberry Pie and Strawberry Shortcake watched from a safe distance. The slavery is stopped. Many people sang. A waiter who had come to serve them breakfast saw the looks on our faces. *Baker: I paid to see those guys get made! *Sheriff: What a refund! *(They throw Martin and men in the ocean) *Chog: (growls) Elliot, Sedgewick and George, you're fired. You will never be pirates again. *(The police officers put the pirates in butterfly nets) *Simon Narrating: Once we finished, Mayor Jimmy arrived. After the palace dried up, we were awarded new and improved pirates that don't do anything. *(People carry Strawberry out of palace) *People: Her kindness proved victorious. Bringing joy to all of us. Her cleverness befriends the foes! *Simon Narrating: Well, what do ya know? Strawberry let those people go free, thanks to Theodore, Reuben, Mr. Lunt, Larry, Karen, Alvin, Judah, Pa and I. *Police Chief: If you boys behave, maybe I'll let you become pirates again. Deal? *Buccaneer Larry: Buenas noches. Mi nombre es Elliot. Tengo una lista de temores. *Captain Pa: Olá, meu nome é capitão George. *Buccaneer Lunt: Hallo. Ich bin Sedgewick und ich meine arbeitssparendes Gerät mögen. *Police Chief: Ach du meine Güte. No!!!!!!!!!! *Simon Narrating: But Pa, Mr. Lunt and Larry were sent to different countries. As the people trusted Strawberry, she had to discover that whether she is an heroine or a kid, God wants her to think of others first. And she did. *Brittney, Jeanette and Eleanor: Nice work. Thank you for doing that. Here, we got you a little something. *Strawberry: "I Knew it made me happy, I thought It was the way, but it wasn't." I'll treasure it always. *("Bellybutton" plays as the closing credits roll) ''Post-Credits Scene'' *Chog: Welcome aboard, Alvin, Theodore and Simon. You're hired. *Simon: We're the New and Improved Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! *Alvin: Nothing. *Theodore: Zilch. *Alvin: Nada. And In Closing, Everyone... I hope you read this. If you knew about elements on this, I came up with this in Spring 2012 when I got "Robin Good and His Not-So Merry Men".